致家长的公开信

亲爱的家长,

I have been working in the area of students with disabilities at the college 水平 但这不是我今天给你写信的原因. 我在写 作为一个家长，也因此作为一个和你一样焦虑的人. 我的女儿, who graduated from high school in early June, will be going away to college this fall. She has Cerebral Palsy, uses a wheelchair, and has limited speech capabilities, so you can be assured that I have been very involved in the educational programming and 她在公立学校系统工作期间收到的计划. 我想 be involved, but I also needed to be involved since, by law, the school could not do anything for, to, or with my daughter regarding her disability without my permission. I sat through countless IEP meetings over the years, I was insistent on certain issues of academic support when I needed to be, and I agonized over everything from teacher 选择使她成功地与同学社会融合. 现在，在我准备的时候 to pack her up and take her off to college in the fall, I recognize that this role has ended for me - and the word "anxious" doesn't even begin to describe my feelings.

If you are worried that your child with a disability will have a difficult time making 没有你的参与，顺利过渡到大学... 那么你很可能 担心是对的. 很少有残疾儿童能在大学里取得成功 水平. 另一方面，残疾学生在大学里生存下来并茁壮成长 遍布全国的校园. 如果你仍然认为你的儿子或女儿是你的“孩子”， and they still are comfortable in accepting that role, it is time to take a careful 看看你们从哪里来，在你们面前有什么. 作为父母，是时候了 for us to step back and allow/encourage/gently nudge our SWD's (Students with Disabilities) to assume significant independent responsibility for their own lives, both academically 和个人.

As you and your SWD prepare to visit campus for that initial meeting with a disability service provider at the college, you would do well to think about what can be accomplished 在最初的会议上，需要说什么，谁来说!!! As I approach that same milestone with my daughter, I find myself a little panicky, realizing that there are things about her disability and how it impacts on her functioning that I know and that the disability services provider needs to know, and that I may not 有很多机会说吗. 毫无疑问，我可以更充分地解释这些事情 我的女儿无法解释(甚至无法理解)!). 这并不重要.  Much as I hate it, I know that SHE has to be the one to convey all this crucial information (不是我!)，原因有很多.

First, colleges and universities provide services and support to SWD under very different 而不是那些管理K-12体系服务的法律. 作为家长，我没有 根据《十大赌博登录官网》第504条，我有权利为我的在读大学的社工说话. (如果你不是 sure what "Section 504/ADA" means in this context, perhaps the disability service provider you meet with will have gathered some information that helps explain the 法律上和实践上的设置差异. 两个我最喜欢的网站 欲了解更多信息，请访问:http://www.ed.gov /关于/办公室/清单/ ocr /过渡.html 和http://www.希斯.乔治华盛顿.edu/). 社署提供的服务和支援有时是 very different than what was provided in high school, and the college is under no obligation to continue the services given in high school or to adhere to the recommendations 一个外部的诊断专家. 学院将自行决定提供哪些服务 and support to offer, based on the documentation of disability and their interview 与你的社署署长. 大学里没有IEP，没有地方可以签字 父母的批准. 事实上，从法律上讲，学校不必关心我是否满意 或不. 我女儿现在要对她自己的命运负责了.

More importantly, while this may be your last 机会 to convey all that important information on to the college, it is your SWD's first 机会 to convey that information 全靠他/她自己. 不要破坏这个机会，也不要干涉. 记住, while you and your SWD are learning more about the campus, the resources, and the people who will be there to help when needed, the disability service provider is learning 更多关于你的儿子/女儿. 你希望他们的第一印象是 是积极的，让人放心的. 服务提供者急切地想知道你是否 SWD is mature enough to handle the responsibilities and independence of college life. Here are some specific suggestions for helping your SWD to shine in this newly focused 焦点:

• DON'T be insulted if you are not invited to sit in on the initial meeting between 你的社署和残疾服务人员. 一些机构发现确实如此 直接(和单独)说话对他们很有帮助!)，以获得一种感觉 for how knowledgeable and confident s/he is in sharing information about past services, what works and doesn't work, and what accommodations they hope to have at the college 水平. 你会有机会提出自己的问题，但要意识到它可能会到来 晚一点，而不是早一点. 
• If you are invited to sit in on 会议 with the disability services folks, DO acknowledge your SWD as the authority on their disability-related needs by making 很明显你相信他们知道所有的答案! 试着集中你的视觉注意力 把目光投向你的儿子/女儿，而不是试图与面试官进行眼神交流. If 你看你的社会福利署，专业人士也会看.
• 不要以“S/He needs to have”开头...相反，你可以试试，“In high。 学校，他/她有...或“测试他/她的人建议。...“但是它会。 其实你最好什么都不说! 尽量少说话 会议. 这不是你的会议. 记住，你是一个旁观者，而不是 作为参与者. 
• DO take some time prepping your son/daughter in advance on the issues that you think 需要被讨论——如果你有机会的话你会说的话. 做一个 list of the topics you would bring up, explain why you think each is important, and 确保你的社工在参加面试时手里拿着这份清单. 排练 和你的儿子/女儿一起，如果他们愿意的话. 如果他们是典型的青少年，而不是 comfortable sitting through that kind of rehearsal, settle for making them sit and 当你演示如何处理某些问题时，请听. 例如, "I think you should tell them about how the teachers arranged for extra time for you 在你高中的考试中. 我可能会说，‘在高中，我是被允许的 extra time for tests in English because it takes me a long time to put my thoughts 在写作上，但在数学上我从不需要它.’”你的社署可能不认可这些策略 you share, but you may be surprised to hear those word come out of his/her mouth at 面试!
• 不要打断. 如果你不同意残疾人服务提供者所说的， or if your SWD says something that you know is incorrect, or if you see your SWD agreeing with/to something when you know they have no idea what they are agreeing to - DON'T 中断! 让面试进行到底. 给残疾人服务提供者一个机会 to draw your SWD out further, give your SWD an opportunity to clarify matters, or 只要等着看混乱/分歧是否仍然存在. 知道这一点很重要 学生在描述自己的需求时是多么的独立和准确. 你会 抓住机会.
• DO prompt your son/daughter to speak up and share those important points as 面试 进展. 而不是向残疾服务提供者解释为什么约翰尼需要 a calculator in math classes, turn to Johnny and say, "Why don't you explain to Ms. _____ why it is important for you to have a calculator for math and science classes? Is it because you have trouble lining up the columns, or because you have trouble 记住基本的数学事实或???提出一个开放式的问题，鼓励你的 社署作出充实回应. 同时，你也在暗示面试官 这里有一个问题需要讨论(见? 我说过你会得到你的 机会!)

为什么不在面试过程中做笔记呢? 当你的儿子/女儿筋疲力尽的时候 the list of topics to discuss, and the disability service provider has shared all 他们认为重要的信息，轮到你说话了. 继续 提出你的问题. 现在要记住的最重要的事情是，你不想要 破坏你儿子/女儿的信誉. 如果你有更多信息可以分享 on a given' subject, try starting the sentence with, "As Susie told you, she has used..." 然后在已知信息的基础上添加任何你需要的东西. 如果你认为 你的社署提供了错误的信息，小心行事. 你可能会说:“我很惊讶 听到简说_________. 我会说__________，因为...“你会得到你的 不要直接反驳你儿子/女儿所说的话. 你的目标 is to assure both the SWD and the disability service provider that you are supportive 对自己刚刚萌芽的理解，只是想分享另一种观点.

有句老话说:
父母能给孩子的只有两样东西 ... 一个是根. 另一个 是翅膀.

是时候让我们的孩子独唱了. 作为父母，这对我们来说是个可怕的想法 对他们来说肯定也很可怕吗. 没关系. 这是我们一直在努力的 朝着很长一段时间. 记住，你的儿子/女儿会打电话、发邮件或发短信告诉你 他们需要你. 他们知道你能为他们做什么，但现在是时候让他们做了 单干. 深呼吸，交叉手指，祝他们好运，然后走开. 一切都会好起来的!

祝你好运。 
简年后)
骄傲(和恐惧)的妈妈    
JaneJarrow@aol.com